#24 The Death of Ivan Ilyich: Living a Life Without Regret

【What I've been up to】

Hi, Reader,

Xin chào (that's “hello” in Vietnamese) — how are you?

As I write this week's letter, I'm traveling in Vietnam.
It's my second time here;
the last was more than ten years ago.

I especially love Vietnamese food —
a little sour, not too spicy —
and pho above all.

Even though I'm traveling, every morning
I keep the same routine:
up a little after 5, then meditation,
yoga, exercise, reading and creating.
Only after noon do I go out and wander.

I really like this pace.
I deliberately keep the most important, most productive hours of the morning
for things that are important but not urgent.
Once those are done,
I can spend the rest of the day on other things, or simply rest.

How about you?
Do you keep the best hours of your day
for yourself?

I hope you're living a life you like.

Now, on to the topic.

【A life without regret】

Today I'm sharing more from Professor Peng Ming-Hui's book
on life as a long, continuous accumulation.
It includes a deeply thought-provoking story.

The story comes from Tolstoy's novella
The Death of Ivan Ilyich,
which asks:
“What in life is truly worth pursuing?”

Born poor, Ivan Ilyich
set out from childhood to make a fortune and rise in the world!

As an adult he joined the courts.
Good at reading people and flattering his superiors,
he quickly rose to the post of chief prosecutor.

He got the mansion of his dreams,
married a beautiful wife, had lovely children,
and became, in everyone's eyes, one of life's winners.

At the very peak of his life,
happily decorating his new mansion,
he was hanging curtains
when he slipped and fell, and never got out of bed again.

Bedridden, he stopped for the first time to look at the people around him
and think about everything he'd really had in his life.

All his life he'd refused to be ordinary,
yet what he pursued
was no different from what ordinary people pursue:
a mansion, a reputation, a beautiful wife.

He'd never asked himself what he really wanted.
He'd lived his whole life inside other people's expectations and envy.

Everything he'd pursued,
he pursued because others thought it respectable —
none of it was what he himself wanted.

Even his marriage wasn't based on love,
but on everyone agreeing they were a good match.

Once he was bedridden,
his wife's attitude turned completely around.
She'd married him for his success;
now he was just a “useless” man.

Because he'd been cold and ruthless at work,
not one colleague felt for him when he fell ill.
Instead they eyed his position, hoping he'd resign soon
so they could fill it.

When he saw through all of it, he suddenly realized
he'd never known real joy,
never fought for his own wishes;
his whole life had been hollow and not worth it.

He wanted to go back and live it again for himself,
but it was too late —
he was gravely ill and at the end of his life.

When Professor Peng
shared this story in a talk,
a mother asked him afterwards:
“What did Ivan Ilyich have to regret?
Everything he pursued was what our parents,
teachers and society encouraged us to pursue.
Why should he regret it?”

The professor said his biggest mistake
was not realizing
that fighting for power and making money
takes huge amounts of time and energy —
and so do being with your family and building wisdom.

The more successful you are in wealth and status,
the less time you leave for yourself and your family.
Someone dazzling on the outside but empty inside
can only win the envy of strangers,
never the affection of those close to them.

That's the story of Ivan Ilyich.
How do you feel after reading it?

It struck a chord with me.
I used to be just like him,
lost inside society's “success template,”
living for other people's expectations and approval.

I used to think
I was unhappy because I had no money.

But once I no longer felt poor or deprived,
happiness didn't come knocking.

A Harvard study that has run for more than 80 years
found that
the biggest factor in happiness
isn't fame, wealth or health,
but relationships —
with family, friends and partners.

Only then did I realize
that while chasing money
I'd neglected how much relationships matter.
Relationships are the key to happiness.

Relationships take time and energy too.
Fortunately, I've still been given time
to correct my course.

Ivan Ilyich couldn't love his family,
nor receive their love,
because love takes communication,
understanding, time and effort.
Money can't buy love, and it can't buy respect.

“Gaining the whole world but losing yourself”
describes Ivan Ilyich exactly —
and it's also the success template
pursued in Taiwan's capitalist society today.

Success in your career,
living for wealth and fame,
while losing the ability to love.
When money becomes the end and life becomes the means,
what gets sacrificed in the end is your life.

So if we don't want to follow society's template,
what should we do?
How do we know what happiness we're really after?

Here's a very simple method:
set aside some time, turn off your phone,
sit quietly with a pen and paper,
and write down ten things that make you truly happy.

Don't worry about what others think,
and don't think about other people's happiness —
just focus on yourself.

When you've finished, you may find
that your happiness is completely different
from the happiness everyone else is chasing.

For example, the things that make me happy include:

walking hand in hand with my partner
eating and chatting with my parents
reading in a café
making a difference to others through what I create

It's that simple —
no mansion, no luxury car, no promotion or fortune.
None of it costs much,
yet it makes me incredibly happy.

Once you see this,
you can spend your time and energy
on the things
that truly make you happy.

The Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita says:
“It is better to live your own life imperfectly
than to imitate someone else's perfectly.”

I hope we can all learn from Ivan Ilyich's story
and live our own lives —
lives without regret.

This week's episode

#69 | How to save your first million: it starts with tracking expenses (Infinite Possibilities Sofa #2)

How I saved my first NT$1 million (about US$30,000), why I sold my car, how tracking expenses changed my finances, and the difference between managing money and investing it.

Read the full show notes in English › (the episode is in Mandarin Chinese)

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