#27 Dopamine Doesn't Want You to Be Happy

【What I've been up to】

Hi, Reader,
it's been a while!

I've had a cold recently
and felt completely drained,
so I didn't put out an episode or a newsletter last week.

This week, April 30 to May 3, I'm at a meditation retreat,
so there won't be a new episode this week either —
thank you for understanding.

Despite the cold, I spent four days in Taipei last week
for an image-management course with teacher Chen Li-Ching,
organized by my talent agency.
One line from the course hit me:
“Image management is really translating what's inside,
so others can see who you are.”

In recent years I've been living minimally
and switched my wardrobe to black T-shirts
to reduce decision fatigue.
After the course,
I started to wonder:
“Does black actually suit me?”

So I asked ChatGPT to do a personal color analysis,
and found that the color that suits me best is actually navy.

No wonder I've always liked blue clothes —
I look especially lively in blue.
The worst part: the color that suits me least
is black, the color I love wearing most!

I was stunned when I saw the result...
and no matter how many times I tried, the answer was the same:
“Black doesn't suit you.”

The most amazing thing is,
since I switched my main color to blue,
I look much healthier!

My personal color analysis

My color analysis

The moral of the story: don't be too stubborn, ha!
When it's time to change direction, change direction.

For the prompts to use, see this article by Mr. Mad (in Chinese) —
give it a try.

Next time you see me,
I'll be a new me :)

Finally, a quick plug for my online book club:
May 8, The Five Types of Wealth, part 4 (finale: financial wealth)
👉 Sign up (in Mandarin)

Now, on to the topic.

【Dopamine doesn't want you to be happy】

I recently finished Rewire, a book on neuroplasticity,

and one passage especially caught my attention:
“Dopamine doesn't want you to be happy.”

Here's a short passage from the book:

Dopamine wants you to have more.
It's always on to the next thing. So
if your happiness depends on getting what you want,
on achieving your goals,
on getting promoted, then
you'll always be chasing happiness from behind.
Your happiness is in the present.

As the book explains, dopamine's job
is to anticipate rewards
and drive you toward new goals.

That's why every year-end
people set new goals —
dopamine is at work.

Just imagining reaching a goal
makes your brain release dopamine and feel good.

But to avoid overstimulation,
once you reach the goal
your dopamine level returns to normal,
and your brain resets its reward system
to prepare for an even bigger goal.

So dopamine can't give us lasting happiness.
If dopamine can't, then
what can?

The real happiness hormones: serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin.
These three neurotransmitters are what create lasting happiness,
and they help produce the feeling of success.

#The arrival fallacy

If you keep relying on dopamine for instant pleasure —
luxury cars, mansions, the thrill of shopping —
your dopamine baseline keeps rising.

You think you'll be happy when you reach the finish line,
but there is no finish line.

You believe you'll only be truly happy once you arrive,
but when you get there, it isn't as joyful as you imagined.
So you think, “My goal must not have been big enough.”

So you set a bigger goal,
and the cycle goes on and on.

In the end you find you keep pushing the goal further away,
running on an endless track
until you're exhausted.

#Real happiness comes from the journey, not the destination

The book says:
“Happiness comes from your process of growth, not from your goals.”

Happiness comes from
the new horizons you open up along the way,
and the new things you learn.

Your only race is against yourself.
Live in the present, at ease.
You won't get this moment again.

That's why I find happiness in creating:
one of my reasons for creating
is to record my own growth.

I compare myself with myself, not with others.

I know that with every article I write,
I've grown a little since the last one;
with every episode I record,
I'm a little smoother than the last.

It's this mindset
that lets me give the process meaning,
so my effort is never wasted.

Because what drives me to create is the journey, not the destination.

#Instant gratification lowers your drive to reach your goals

Instant gratification releases a flood of dopamine
and dulls your brain's sensitivity to it.

The instant satisfaction of scrolling your phone,
and the quick hits of dopamine,
give you a false, fleeting happiness.

But that dopamine soon fades,
further lowering your motivation.

#Your phone is wrecking your brain's reward system

I used to be addicted to my phone too,
using it six to eight hours a day.
My attention started to slip,
and I wanted to check my phone more and more often.

I realized this wasn't the state I wanted to be in,
and started avoiding “mindless” scrolling.

I replaced the phone by my bed with an old phone,
deleted all the social and chat apps,
and kept only productivity tools.

The phone with social apps stays on my desk;
I don't take it to bed.

I put my phone on silent and use Focus mode,
so it never makes a sound.

Then I turned off notifications for all social and messaging apps,
including LINE, Instagram, Facebook, Threads —
every app that grabs my attention.

I installed screen-time software
to limit my social media use:
I can only open social apps from 12 to 1 p.m.
and 7 to 8 p.m.

At other times I have to request access,
and there's a daily limit on total use.

Thanks to these changes,
I've cut my screen time
down to 2–4 hours a day.

It all started with realizing
my attention was being hijacked by my phone,
and designing an environment
that changed my relationship with it.

#Pursue rewards that take effort

Choose activities that are hard but pay off in the long run,
like exercise, running, drawing, meditation, reading, writing, cardio or strength training.

All of these take effort,
and they keep your dopamine stable.

Keep your dopamine rewards healthy,
and avoid getting hooked on your phone or other quick rewards.

Unhealthy rewards eventually sap your motivation for life,
and in worse cases lead to anxiety and worry.

Remember: dopamine doesn't want you to be happy.

I choose meditation, exercise, reading and learning.
They bring me deep satisfaction and joy.

I hope you find your own happiness too.

This week's episode

#72 | Needs vs. wants: the psychology of money anxiety (with Hao Hsu-Lieh, part 2)

Why savings grow but anxiety doesn't shrink. Needs are limited, wants are endless; a sense of control comes from awareness of the present; investing is to support your life, not to beat others.

Read the full show notes in English › (the episode is in Mandarin Chinese)

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